Its cold brushed steel- eyes wide as I sight her in- loaded each chamber with gun powder and the flavor of my goodbye- let you feel this metal- pressed hard against your teeth- notice my trembling hands shake right through your jaw- the fear of this moment- resonates in my every limb- I've only been as strong as you've allowed- over stepped my boundries and fell- now- each step weighs me down-

She said fuck christmas we'll drink patron- I said fuck that I'll drink alone- sit a top that bluff by the highway- the one where I broke my wrist- down this bottle one swig at a time- and tell no one about my christmas wish- I want fire and passion- poetry and prose- I want an exchange of song lyrics and matching tattoos- I want endless conversations that burrough right through the night- I want laughter- I want pain- I want that promise of eternity and I want it now- I want it now- I want it now- say it three times and its no where closer to the truth- this bottle- this boy- both empty and guzzled quick- who will hold me when the sun breaks...

Its ok

I'm invested in you.

I've been bested by you.

Taken to a new level

only to be floored by a voice

and words

that once made me pure

If I apologize

that means that I acknowledge

my own farewell...

this is not an exit

I do not recognize goodbyes

We've worked

laughed

and loved to hard to release this grip

I just needed a little time

so I borrowed it from you

bed

Woke up this morning and realized that I was holding tight to the impression your body worked into my mattress dove nose first into the sheets savoring the last remnants of your scent and I won't mention the darkness and the black curtain you hung so we could sleep later its mixed bag darling and I am an extremist

it's all in the hips

its morning and its bright
consoled by a milk white angel

if i were you I'd be scared too

boys who look like me
are not supposed to talk like that
boys who talk like me
are not supposed to dance that way
boys who dance like me
are not supposed feel like this

if you think its to good to be true
just wait
I'm only getting started

couldn't just let it be

most men want to make candle comparisons
not me baby
I am a visionary
as if candles could shine as bright as stars

and you

you're a constellation
let me be a satellite
I'll revolve around you
reflecting the light given to me
as I have none of my own

the light that will not die

She was from the windy city
she blew right through me
allowed me to become more beautiful than I ever was

I hate these memories
as they are nothing more
than mistakes I still hate to admit that I made

those eyes
those lips
those hips
she still exists

it seems the idea of her has yet to die
no matter how hard
my empty arms
beg to disagree
I'll never say goodbye to moments like these
because no matter how difficult
the realization is that she's not laying by my side
my perfect memory of her
saves me every time

its always a re-creation

This weather reminds me of our famous blizzard of '96
I was 15 and I had just broke up with the first girl I'd ever loved
its not my intent to pollute this screen
with metaphors or analogies
or to make a comparison between
this relentless snow
and
the breaking of my heart
but its cold
I'm alone
and
its snowing hard...

she's got two dogs and a dying dream

You're right girl
I might not have the fire that would
set this city ablaze
but I think I've got enough heat
to burn you down
to light a match
breathe
and watch your world tumble to the ground

I'm only here for a moment dear
don't wait too long
you know my bones are are dying to disappear
but before I decide to step away
hold up wait
no
I'm not gonna attack you
because
I have you
I know what you do when you're alone
sitting empty in that
comfortably constructed compromise
you call a town home

suddenly
needing a fix
no slow drink to dull the itch
your fingers glide
erotic movement
no ones looking
it'll be alright
let the foreplay begin
pressing hard against
time
with passion
you want to scream
yet instead you whisper
seven
one
nine

I don't need a ring
darling you know which door is mine
its wide open
torn from its hinges years ago
decorated in fancy lights
that I fashioned to blink your name

I apologize
for this
I know
I'm a hard act to follow
but if you can't spit flames
you might as well swallow